Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Guys We Fall For

No, I didn’t receive “an embarrassing display of white roses” today (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days--really, Matthew McConaughey?), but I still love Valentine’s Day.  There's so much positivity floating about, plus I get to eat dark chocolate covered cherry Three Musketeers bars. :)

In honor of today, I think it’s time to address the topic of relationships and common experiences many of us have had  in the dating game.  Dating is both fun and aggravating, but where would we be without a little drama?

Recently, my roommates and I made a trip to the mall, and whilst browsing we came across different ads that seemed to capture the essence of the boy drama we’ve each been having lately.  We stared to realize that we’re attracted to (and seem to attract) certain kinds of guys: the Robot, the Douchebag, and the Clinger.  We'll leave it up to you to decide which type belongs to whom.

The Robot

Why we like him: He’s uber smart and can hold very interesting conversations.  He likes us for our minds and not our looks (even when they’re good looks).  He's not just a shallow jerk!

The Problem: Well, he doesn’t really express or feel emotion.  He usually has a disorder like Asperger Syndrome which means he can't really fall in love, so we end up falling in love without reciprocation.  He also, not surprisingly, has a hard time with physical affection, and we all know that’s no fun.

When you post a comment to a blog, it asks you to copy the text box it provides with the caption "Please prove you're not a robot."  We think there needs to be a test like that for these kinds of guys.

The Picture: The Robot is one with his scooter.  He’s totally enjoying the ride (probably busy calculating the trajectory of the moon and the sun or something) more than the presence of this cute girl.  And she, poor thing, is trying so hard to make him notice her.  And it’s not that he minds her being there; no, he enjoys her company, he’s just incapable of feeling anything more than platonic interest.

The Douchebag

Why we like him:  He’s charming and comfortable giving obvious flattery and attention (which we can’t help but like).  He usually has great style and knows how to dress himself, often drawing attention with bright colors and bold patterns. 

The Problem: Behind that false flattery is an ulterior motive to "hit it and quit it."  They prance around with the mentality that they get what they want, and girls become disposable to them.

The Juice Box (my sister's PG version of Douchebag) is all talk and no action, and will continually tell us he’s going to do something without any intention of actually doing that thing and try to pacify us with more empty promises if we ever call him out on it.  I feel like we ladies generally encounter this kind of boy more often than the other two.

The Picture: The first thing to notice is his style; cute, but it's the first sign of possible douche-baggery; he knows he looks good.  He's in the act of jumping over this girl--just another object for his amusement.

The girl sits there cooly, apparently disinterested, sipping her soda uncaringly.  Well, she cares.  She knows she has to play the game and pretend she doesn't care, but what she's really thinking is, "WHEN ARE YOU COMING DOWN?!"  Which, translated, means, "Are you ever going to man up and actually be as awesome as you think you are?" 

The Clinger

Why we like him: He's really sweet and attentive and makes us the center of his world.  He's always thinking about us, sending thoughtful texts and saying really lovey-dovey things.  He's just a hopeless romantic.

The Problem: He's a little too sappy.  In fact, he drips with sap.  And he doesn't seem to understand when we tell him that we're over it because we've been smothered in sap.  He doesn't stop calling, texting, or asking us out, apparently in complete denial that we are very much not going to go out with him.  Ever.

Now, let me clarify that being romantic is not a bad thing, in moderation.  It's the being smothered part that we don't like.  

The Picture: First notice that the guy has set her up on a pedestal (cute, right?), but then you notice her expression which says, "Really? Again? Didn't you get it last time when I splashed that drink in your face and stained your shirt?" This guy is trying so hard to get her attention with this enormous bouquet, and he doesn't even know he's making it worse.

Now, if you find yourself identifying with the "what we like" sections of the categories, that's not a bad thing.  Know that this is in no way meant to be a generalization of all guys in the world, but despite our best efforts, these kinds of boys seem to keep finding us.  All I gotta say is "I don't want no scrub."


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHA I wish I would have read this earlier. Happy post-V day!

    1. Actually, on second thought. Robot boys are capable of lots of emotion. They can feel so passionately! Just not about me. (Yes, calling myself out here).

      Also, I've been thinking a little bit. I think I am attracted to the robot because I secretly wish I was one. Do we date people we admire and wish we were more like, or do we like what is comfortable?

    2. Valid point! Of course, you would know more about the Robot than I.

      As far as why we date who we date, I think where I was going is that we like certain things about that type of person (the "Why we like him" section) which make us want to date him. Then we get attached and realize that he is not "different than the rest" and that he has the same flaws we disliked before. But maybe that's just how it happens for me.

      But may I ask why you want to be a Robot?

  2. Hahah these are PERFECT descriptions!!!