Friday, July 6, 2012

Stanky Left-hand Jimma Jamma: Thug Life

If I were a gangsta, let's be honest, I wouldn't be writing this post. I would be tagging a wall or jacking a car or ballin' in my Escalade.  But let's suspend reality, shall we?

I think, deep down, everyone has an inner gangster that just needs to be unlocked, ya know?  I feel it.  I think I've figured out how.  Here are my top ten things to accomplish before I can be a real G:

1. Get jumped into a gang

I'm not looking forward to this, but it must be done.  Otherwise, I'm a poser.

2. Flash gang signs 

Easy enough.  I guess I need to know what they mean first; I don't wanna get whooped.  

3. Tag something

I think that's doable.

A moving object?? LEGIT. 

4. Kill a man

With a trident? Done. Tear drop tat that. I think I'll lay low for a while . . . 

5. Buy some rims for my ride

This is what it would look like all jacked up.

Sick, right??

6. Get a couple three tats

Too skanky?  Represent!

7. Wear the colors, ice up the bling, lean into the swag

Mmm, sexy

8. Bump Wiz Khalifa and Snoop in my car

Wait, I do that. Check!

9. Gangsta name

According to the Gangsta Name Generator, my gangsta name is Stanky Left-hand Jimma Jamma.  I'm cool wit dat, but I think it's more legit if it comes from an actual cholo . . . so my cholito friend crowned me "Killa Billion." It's got a good ring to it, no?

Sup, Killa B!

10. Rap to a fat beat

You think I'm just a white girl, but I'm gonna Busta some Rhymes. Check it.

11. (Bonus!) Don't get shot

Or maybe do?  Is that more hard core?

You know, it's not easy being a thug, but somebody's gotta do it.  Now put on your Bobby-Ray Bands and do the Cholo YOLO.  Happy g-ing!